Derek Pye

Best Of My Best Reviews of My Best Year

on Friday, 06 January 2017. Posted in Derek's Diary

It was an exciting year for me, thanks for asking.

It's that time of year when it's that time of year for end of year reviews and best of my exciting photos blogs which nobody looks at. In a timely fashion I'm all over it like a rash,.

Will post the actual review of the year soon - this is just the trailer.

NineSpods Gone West! // Mate With Your Own Awesome Workshop

on Tuesday, 12 April 2016. Posted in Derek's Diary

Unbelievable Creative Juice Explosions

Derek Pye Workshoppery matrix

Announcing my new toggingly togtastic workshop programme for the 2016-2017 pro-toggers workshop season long season. NineSpods Gone West! // Mate With Your Own Awesome //  Get Your Hands Out Of Your Pants and Get Your Lens Caps Off!! It’s here and it’s UnberFuckinLeivable Creativity Unleashed.

Step by Step awesome pumped up pixel fuckery of the highest order. 

This workshop is not like inferior/useful workshops - the ones that fatally overlook passion and awesome and so rather than unleashing your Unbelievable Creative Juice Explosions cause a sometimes unblock-able reverse leashing. Once leashed you are cursed to drift through the photo universe imprisoned in the depressing Mind Kennel you normally call LIFE.

Totally Rad Revolutionary Stuff - Never before covered in Workshoppery Jiggery Pokery

  1. Off Camera Flash
  2. SEO 
  3. Dress sense and personal hygiene 
  4. Ping Pong
  5. Dogging
  6. Passion and Awesome Juice
  7. Effing, Jeffing and Fuckery
  8. Nutbullet recipes

Jurassic Dung

on Sunday, 14 June 2015. Posted in Weddings

Tyrannosaurus Tediartis

Jurassic Dung

Shooting weddings gets more demanding and complicated every year. There is always some new trend or fad to get your head around. Recently I’ve found that the unexpected return of massive meat eating dinosaurs to the UK is playing havoc with my carefully planned and executed wedding memories photo-art shoots.

Who’d have thought that after 200 million years of extinction, dinosaurs would return, only to spend their Saturday afternoons at some sorry excuse for a venue in Kent. Mentalists!

Dinosaurs are big and dangerous and have a habit of turning up at the most inopportune moments. Last week as the bride and groom exited the Church they stepped in a steaming, freshly laid, Tyrannosaurus Rex stool that had been deposited on the doorstep. Poor bride stank like Jurassic dung all day.

Just Call Me Deidre

on Friday, 06 February 2015. Posted in Derek's Diary

Best of Both

Just Call Me Deidre

After the difficult and annoying annus horribilis that was 2014 I’m back and from now on I wish to be called Deidre. Let me explain. 

Some of you may know that I was justly imprisoned for taking and driving away several tractors under the influence of drink and drugs last year. I still have no idea how people expected me to get home from THEIR weddings without a tractor - after all it was because THEIR first dances started late at THEIR godforsaken country weddings that set in motion the chain of events that led to the fatal booze, drugs and tractor combo. It could happen to anybody. 

My time in prison was well spent and I became incredibly popular by writing poignant and emotional letters home for many of the hapless inmates, saving several marriages and securing PPI payouts totaling nearly £120000 for others. Then after studying law for a few weeks in the prison library I negotiated the release of many of my new friends - some of whom were incarcerated for terrible violent crimes, hardened criminals who thought they’d never get to do crime ever again. Now all safely out of the system thanks to loopholes discovered by little ol’ me. I also completed the first draft of my upcoming autobiographical photo history and career guidebook book - Derek Pye: Tempus Lucido - just like Hitler and Jeffrey Archer before me I found my cell to be the perfect place to commit my genius to print.