Announcing my new toggingly togtastic workshop programme for the 2016-2017 pro-toggers workshop season-long season. NineSpods Gone West! // Mate With Your Own Awesome // Get Your Hands Out Of Your Pants and Get Your Lens Caps Off!! It’s here and it’s UnberFuckinLeivable Creativity Unleashed.
Step by Step awesome pumped up pixel fuckery of the highest order.
This workshop is not like inferior/useful workshops - the ones that fatally overlook passion and awesome and so rather than unleashing your Unbelievable Creative Juice Explosions cause a sometimes unblock-able reverse leashing. Once leashed you are cursed to drift through the photo universe imprisoned in the depressing Mind Kennel you normally call LIFE.
Totally Rad Revolutionary Stuff - Never before covered in Workshoppery Jiggery Pokery
Shooting weddings gets more demanding and complicated every year. There is always some new trend or fad to get your head around. Recently I’ve found that the unexpected return of massive meat-eating dinosaurs to the UK is playing havoc with my carefully planned and executed wedding memories photo-art shoots.
Who’d have thought that after 200 million years of extinction, dinosaurs would return, only to spend their Saturday afternoons at some sorry excuse for a venue in Kent. Mentalists!
Dinosaurs are big and dangerous and have a habit of turning up at the most inopportune moments. Last week as the bride and groom exited the Church they stepped in a steaming, freshly laid, Tyrannosaurus Rex stool that had been deposited on the doorstep. Poor bride stank like Jurassic dung all day.
After the difficult and annoying annus horribilis that was 2014 I’m back and from now on I wish to be called Deidre. Let me explain.
Some of you may know that I was justly imprisoned for taking and driving away several tractors under the influence of drink and drugs last year. I still have no idea how people expected me to get home from THEIR weddings without a tractor - after all, it was because THEIR first dances started late at THEIR godforsaken country weddings that set in motion the chain of events that led to the fatal booze, drugs and tractor combo. It could happen to anybody.
My time in prison was well spent and I became incredibly popular by writing poignant and emotional letters home for many of the hapless inmates, saving several marriages and securing PPI payouts totalling nearly £120000 for others. Then after studying law for a few weeks in the prison library, I negotiated the release of many of my new friends - some of whom were incarcerated for terrible violent crimes, hardened criminals who thought they’d never get to do crime ever again. Now all safely out of the system thanks to loopholes discovered by little ol’ me. I also completed the first draft of my upcoming autobiographical photo history and career guidebook book - Derek Pye: Tempus Lucido - just like Hitler and Jeffrey Archer before me I found my cell to be the perfect place to commit my genius to print.