Of course one has to feel sorry for the young man who aspires to be a top wedding photographer at the top of the husband and wife wedding photography game. How can a callow youth possibly understand the fairer sex, when his experience of the ladies probably goes no further than a couple of trips to a STD clinic.  

As far as women are concerned there are not many known knowns and a a baffling array of unknown unknowns to contend with. As wedding photography involves spending the best part of Saturday dealing these unknown unknowns the photographer needs consummate bride management skills to make it through the day. I've been married 4 times and so there is not much you can tell me about bride management. As long as you start with the premise that all women are mentally ill and need medication then you won't go far wrong. You should approach a wedding on the basis that all the women at the do have forgotten their pills. Be on your toes at all times or you will get hurt. Your only defence is to repeat the words, lovely, beautiful, gorgeous and dress in a variety of combination's until you’re sick into your camera bag.

I have a list as long as my arm as to why women are nutters but here is just one example.

CreditCrikey - at last. I’ve been predicting it of course. Ever since that night in the boozer two years ago when I invented credit card snap. The rules were quite simple. Draw a card out of your wallet and place it on the table. Your opponent draws a card and places it on top. When you get two Kwik Fit Auto Charge cards or maybe two MandS Simply Food Gold cards, shout ‘snap’ and you win. The loser buys the booze. I packed it in as I always seemed to lose, probably because my hand to eye co-ordination is rated ‘spastic’ by medical professionals. It did however occur to me that if some of the idiots down my local can get a credit card then there is something amiss. And lo, it came to pass...