The modern bride is full of questions. I blame those terrible wedding magazines that think it’s clever to publish articles with the headline - ‘Questions you MUST ask your Wedding Photographer’. Be warned that I take offense if clients ask me questions. You don’t book the Greatest Living Wedding Photographer - Derek Pye™ and then expect him to speak to you. The thing about these articles is that they are written by 21 year old journalists who aren’t married and have no intention of getting married. They are too busy getting shitfaced for that.

Thanks to these publications any meeting with a potential client is more like 48 hours with the Stasi. Here are a few of the most common questions and the correct answers.

Jesus Christ. Its always nice to get some feedback from a client, but complaints although rare are sometimes difficult to deal with.

“ Dear Mr Pye – the world’s greatest living wedding photographer. It was great to finally get my wedding photos after all these years. Especially as my first husband has been dead since 1974, still its nice to see all those old faces in grainy black and white. You just don’t get prints like that any more. However I do have one query, several people have pointed out that they can see a vague image of Christ in one of the group photos taken outside the Church and since the local paper has picked up on it I’m inundated with pilgrims from all over the world. They are really getting on my nerves and messing up the front lawn.

There must be about 5000 people out there now.
Is there anything you can do to rectify this, like photoshopping the Christ image out of the picture?

Kind regards

Maud

PS. Offending photo attached “

Mad bitch – I can’t see it myself so I sent out my stock answer to this kind of complaint.