Derek Pye

Rarely late

on Thursday, 21 April 2005. Posted in Weddings

I'm rarely late for a wedding but when I am it's never my fault. Take last Saturday for example. I got to the bride's house with no problems at all. Its great to photograph a bride getting ready - the nerves, the tears, and the highly charged erotic atmosphere make for great shots. That done, feeling slightly aroused, I head for the Church. The only problem here is the parking. There is no-where near the Church and I'm forced to park down the bottom of a steep hill...

and walk back up. I arrive sweating like one of those novelty marathon runners, just in time to shoot the bride as she exits the wedding car. Now this is where it starts to get tricky.

 

After the ceremony we have to head over to the reception, which is a good 40 mins drive away. I'm an South London boy and when I get up to North London I can get a bit confused. I have to get to the venue before the bride and groom because they want some shots stood next to the car (genius - that will be a good shot). After going the wrong way up the A41 I'm going to be a bit late but not much, only 20mins or so. A butchers in the A-Z reveals I'm not that far away, a quick U-turn and a few back streets and I'm nearly there, good job I used to be a cabby.

This is it I think as I turn onto the road where the hotel is supposed to be and I'm only about half an hour behind. I drive down the road at high speed - it must be down here somewhere. I reach a big gate across the road - this must be it. I get out and start to open the gate when a woman on horseback approaches, " you can't come through here" she says, " this is a private farm". A farm in London - don't be mental. So where is the hotel? " You have to go back out onto the A-41 and go right round" sneers the horse woman " I explain that I'm the UK's leading wedding photographer and I'm late for a wedding.

The bride and groom and all the guests are at the front of the hotel and the chauffeur is desperate to leave. They are speculating on my whereabouts. *censored*ing and moaning about me, as they have nothing else to talk about. I'm an hour late but Derek Pye, the UK's leading wedding photographer, arriving on horseback was a sight to behold.

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Comments (22)

  • Anony

    Anony

    06 February 2013 at 17:21 |
    aroused my ass... you are one stupid mofo.


    from: one of the 'masters'.

    reply

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    06 February 2013 at 17:22 |
    wow, you even managed to arouse someones ass Derek.

    reply

  • Derek

    Derek

    06 February 2013 at 17:22 |
    Spammers, detractors and copyists are the bane of Masters of Wedding
    Photography everywhere.

    reply

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    06 February 2013 at 17:22 |
    I am thinking this site must be a joke ??

    reportage photography is not just turning a color to bw ???

    if this is what you think you are so lost

    reply

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    06 February 2013 at 17:23 |
    If you have to ask wether this site is a joke it is you sir who is the joke.

    reply

  • Anon

    Anon

    06 February 2013 at 17:23 |
    It must be awfull to be so jealous of real tallent that you have to turn to such abuse.

    reply

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    06 February 2013 at 17:23 |
    Derek you suck as a wedding photographer

    reply

  • Anony

    Anony

    06 February 2013 at 17:24 |
    You have got to be kidding right. I would have loved my wedding photographer to arrive on horseback and could easily overlook him being only an hour late.

    reply

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    06 February 2013 at 17:24 |
    I think there seems to be a distinct transatlantic twang to all of the posts
    detracting or speculating as to the sites authenticity. Indeed as m'colleague
    rightly points out phrases such as 'dude' and mo-fo' do seem to be the sort
    of things 'the kids' are saying these days on the wrong side of the pond. I
    understand that they have picked it up by watching re-runs of the Ali G show
    who may or may not be some sort of a 'gansta'.

    I think our cousins in the the good old US of A need to understand that a
    subject as serious as wedding photography would not be treated lightly here
    in Blighty, least of all with a spoof site. It would be just irrisponsible as idiots
    might take it seriously and start judging their own output or expectations
    against the pictures within. Oh, and we gave you a language, please have the
    decency to use it properly.

    reply

  • A Wedding Photographer

    A Wedding Photographer

    06 February 2013 at 17:24 |
    This is a freakin joke is this site, this D P talks the biggest load of crap i ever heard in my life. One day he will have the pants sued off him for false advertising and talking a load of twoddle. Wedding photography is a serious buisness, and brides want the day to go well. So give it up mr Pye stop the crap and leave it to us proffesionals.

    A Wedding Photographer

    reply

  • A Real Wedding Photographer

    A Real Wedding Photographer

    06 February 2013 at 17:25 |
    Mr Wedding Photographer- if you wish to appear to be professional, please make sure you spell it properly in future.

    Yours
    A Real Wedding Photographer from the UK who loves this site!

    reply

  • A Pretend Wedding Photographer

    A Pretend Wedding Photographer

    06 February 2013 at 17:25 |
    Any real photographer would love this site.
    With perhaps the exception of what I still class as a real wedding photographer, you know the ones with a beard and tweed jacket with leather elbow patches and breath like Ghandi's flip flops.

    Derek you are our leader, we all aspire to be 1/2 the consumate proffesional that you are.

    A pretend photographer.

    reply

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    06 February 2013 at 17:26 |
    I am a pretend photographer. I am regularly late and will try to employ
    farm animals in my next bout of tardiness.

    Derek, would you consisder posting some more of your masterpieces.
    I have exhausted the selection you have posted, looking at them again and
    again, and I have to admit a little bit of wee came out i enjoyed them so much.

    I would also like to hear about the wife. Does she play much of a part in your
    creative process?

    I haven't enjoyed a blog so much since ... well ... ever.

    OT : I am bemused by some of the Americans who have posted on this site.
    Why do you so strongly insist on living up to your reputation for having no
    sense of irony. I know lots of nice Americans who do have a sense of irony -
    they are fed up with the rest of you. Shut it will you?

    reply

  • Anon

    Anon

    06 February 2013 at 17:26 |
    Thank you Derek I have learned so much on this site and feel I am now a far better professional photographer having read your words of wisdom.. Keep up the good work..( ! )

    reply

  • A Professional Wedding Photographer thoughts

    A Professional Wedding Photographer thoughts

    06 February 2013 at 17:26 |
    As a professional wedding photographer of 3 weeks I feel I need to comment on this Mr Pye's web site. Previously I used only a disposable camera from Boots for taking my professional wedding snaps. However after reading and learning from Mr Pyes' experiences I have upgraded to a truely professional kit - My new phone has a great 8 mpx camera in built. Great for 6x4" snaps and its possible to stretch an 8x10" out of the print kiosk behind Mothercare in Bolton. The customers are always happy. Thank you for all your advice. Hopefully a long career can be formed. I've got my 4 wedding in 2 weeks. The wedding reception is the local Tandori restaurant in Blackurn - what would you recommend to eat?

    reply

  • Professional looking advice from professionals

    Professional looking advice from professionals

    06 February 2013 at 17:27 |
    I am a professional wedding photographer - my first wedding will be next year in the fall - a friend of a friend is getting married.
    I have 150 pounds to invest in a good camera, flash and a few accesories. Any advice regarding gear?
    P.S. I m interested in solid gear. I don t want to change it after 3-4 years...

    reply

  • toptastic togger

    toptastic togger

    06 February 2013 at 17:27 |
    Derek,

    Sound advice indeed there.. "invest in something with flash and lens built in".

    In these cash strapped times the cost of equipment is no joke, where savings can be made then so be it.

    Another good tip i often dole out is regarding the "uncle Bob" over the shoulder shooters.
    Dont stop them stealing your plagurised shots, simply let them take them for you. after the fizz of the day has died down simply flatter Uncle Bob by asking if you cn download his "excellent" attempts to your portable hard drive and print them off for the album/Max Speilman wallet.

    reply

  • Monkey Butler

    Monkey Butler

    06 February 2013 at 17:28 |
    Derek,
    Many top wedding photographers have added a schedule of touring workshops to help out the less experienced snapper. Would you consider finding space in your doubtlessly heavily booked diary to do something similar?
    I've found your site invaluable in dealing with troublesome clients, particularly the brides. It's like they want everything to be perfect...."Why weren't you at the church?", "Why are the pictures all fuzzy?", "stop taking pictures of me in my pants."
    Where is the trust? I'm sure my pictures are better than they could take and I've never met a bride willing to carry a camera on the day so surely they should be grateful someone else is willing to take the pictures when I'd rather be enjoying the booze and chatting up the pretty girls to be perfectly honest.
    And why do they always arrange their weddings for the weekend? Don't I deserve a weekend off?
    Please help me build up the kind of relationship you seem to have with your brides.

    reply

    • Derek

      Derek

      06 February 2013 at 17:28 |
      I run a daily workshop in the Pawleyene Arms, Penge. It's like a drop in centre.

      Drinking booze and chatting up the birds is an essential part of wedding photography, especially the booze bit. It is called blending in.

      I have a clause in my contract that means I can send a substitute photographer if the wedding falls on a Saturday.

      Simple really.

      All the best

      Derek.

      reply

  • John	 ,

    John ,

    06 February 2013 at 17:28 |
    Derek with a new wedding season approaching I think you should set your targets on what could be the celebrity wedding of the year should anyone be taken enough to marry her http://www.sarahjanenewbury.com

    reply

  • John	 ,

    John ,

    06 February 2013 at 17:29 |
    Derek I think I have the perfect client for you. Should she ever get married.
    A celebrity worthyy of your skills with an amazing website:

    http://www.sarahjanenewbury.com

    reply

  • Richard P Walton

    Richard P Walton

    06 February 2013 at 17:29 |
    Derek I love your sense of humor, please reveal yourself so we can become friends. Keep up the good work

    reply

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