I'm rarely late for a wedding but when I am it's never my fault. Take last Saturday for example. I got to the bride's house with no problems at all. Its great to photograph a bride getting ready - the nerves, the tears, and the highly charged erotic atmosphere make for great shots. That done, feeling slightly aroused, I head for the Church. The only problem here is the parking. There is no-where near the Church and I'm forced to park down the bottom of a steep hill...
After the ceremony we have to head over to the reception, which is a good 40 mins drive away. I'm an South London boy and when I get up to North London I can get a bit confused. I have to get to the venue before the bride and groom because they want some shots stood next to the car (genius - that will be a good shot). After going the wrong way up the A41 I'm going to be a bit late but not much, only 20mins or so. A butchers in the A-Z reveals I'm not that far away, a quick U-turn and a few back streets and I'm nearly there, good job I used to be a cabby.
This is it I think as I turn onto the road where the hotel is supposed to be and I'm only about half an hour behind. I drive down the road at high speed - it must be down here somewhere. I reach a big gate across the road - this must be it. I get out and start to open the gate when a woman on horseback approaches, " you can't come through here" she says, " this is a private farm". A farm in London - don't be mental. So where is the hotel? " You have to go back out onto the A-41 and go right round" sneers the horse woman " I explain that I'm the UK's leading wedding photographer and I'm late for a wedding.
The bride and groom and all the guests are at the front of the hotel and the chauffeur is desperate to leave. They are speculating on my whereabouts. *censored*ing and moaning about me, as they have nothing else to talk about. I'm an hour late but Derek Pye, the UK's leading wedding photographer, arriving on horseback was a sight to behold.